Factory phrases...

I wish I could rememeber even half of the humorous things I've heard people say on the factory floor over the course of the last 25 or so years.  Some were before the era of sensitivity training and they wouldn't be tolerated now.. Might be somewhat amusing I guess..  As I remember more I'll add them to the post..

If your people are doing what it looks like they're doing, I want one of the puppies. 

Always give the toughest job to the laziest guy and he'll figure out the easiest way to do it.

The conveyor is jammed tighter than a bull's ass in fly season.

That hood looks dryer than a popcorn fart.

That new kid aint no ball of fire.

Son, if you can piss, you can paint.

Kiss my ass...  Mark the spot, you're all ass, or... Better pack a lunch, that's an all day job.

Sometimes he plays dumb and sometimes he aint playing.

Don't bird dog him or he'll turn into Mickey the Dope on you.

I can't take that call right now.  I'm on the crapper.  (Superintendent to dispatcher on the plant radio.  uh thanks Tony, I'll let him know...)

She couldn't find her ass with both hands.

Who could ever forget good-ol whats his name?

Three word retirement speech from a superintendent.  "Adios mother f*ers" .. that was it.

They took mule killer to medical on a stretcher?  No shit.. What happened?  He done fell out? They sent him to the hospital?  Where's his lunch?  (Team leader Slick, upon hearing that the button man Mule Killer done fell out and got taken on a stretcher to medical and his lunch was up for grabs)

Hes allergic to hard work.. got a phobia or something.

Hi, I'm from Central Office and I'm here to help.

Seagulls, they fly in, shit on everyone and then fly away.

If Goober and Gomer are both here, who's pumping gas back in Mayberry?

Didn't I already tell you?  No.  Then it must not have been any of your damn business then.

Its running like a scalded dog.  ( or like a raped ape.)

Temporary is one day less than permanent.

Don't say you aint gonna, say you don't wanna.

Better leave that one for the geniuses on day shift.

An expert is anyone who don't work here.

There aren't any conveyors running through the office, ladies..

I've been to two world's fairs and seen billygoats f* but I aint never seen no shit like this.

If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.

You dumb sonofabitch. You can't call that stupid mother f-er a stupid mother f-er!  (General foreman correcting a foreman at greivance meeting with committeeman)

Don't we have a sick, lame and lazy we could put on that job?  (referring to workers with doctor restrictions)

He's got his head so far up the boss's ass he can see what he had for breakfast.

Anything can happen to one car.  Call me if you get another one like that.  Related to..  If you want to make an omellete you gotta break some eggs. or the fall-back, Yeah I'm working on it.  

Inspector..  This car has spitters on the hood, sags on both fenders, the door is smashed in and there are craters all over the decklid and the roof..
Engineer..  Copy that.  So, how does the rest of it look?

You can't eat like a horse and shit like a bird.

Have I lied to you lately?

Its f-ed up like Hogan's goat.